Scarleteen

I am so freaking tired

last week was my first day of school and I introduced myself using my preferred name, passing it off as a nickname. now I'm scared my teachers will meet my parents or I'll meet a friend at the supermarket. the name doesn't even feel right for some reason. this is my first time using it with someone else and it just doesn't feel quite like I thought it would. maybe it's because I haven't specified I'm gender-nonconforming or because I'm still not out to my family but I feel like a liar and I hate feeling that way. I think all of this on top of my other stuff is just making my depression worse and I'm just not feeling great at all. school just started and I'm already sick of it. I can't sleep. I'm so tired

additional info: my parents are not transphobic, I just don't feel ready to come out yet. I'm not actively self-harming and I'm not planning on offing myself. if I do feel that way I will tell my parents and my therapist and I'll get the care I need

I'm just asking in case someone has any advice, about ill-fitting names or balancing worlds? if anyone's got just something comforting to say?

Hi off-kilter,

I'll start by saying I'm glad to hear you have support from a therapist, and that your family will be ready to support you when you feel ready to come out. Do you have any friends or trusted people who you are out to? It may be helpful to talk to them about this as well.

It totally makes sense that there's some anxiety around the introduction of this new name to the public. For whatever reason it doesn't feel quite right, it's okay to change it. I'm sorry this is contributing to your depression as well. Do you have any coping techniques that have worked in the past when you've felt this way?