Scarleteen

Here we go,

So recently I've been struggling with figuring out my sexual orientation, and I'm starting to strongly believe that I'm a lesbian. For the longest time I thought I was just bisexual, but recently I've been slowly realizing that I don't like guys anymore (& that I don't think I ever really did). But for some reason it's been hard really accepting that. Is that normal? Like, it's been hard fully embracing the lesbian identity and label, and it's been kind of scary to be honest. I know that I like women, but it's hard accepting that I don't like men anymore. Maybe that's just comphet though.
I just need some advice or something on how to make this mental transition easier because it's been hard.
Is that normal for it to feel kinda scary?

Hi sof_ia44,

It is normal to feel a little uncomfortable and I think you hit the nail pretty well on the head when you mentioned heteronormativity. Coming to terms with sexuality that is counter to what all the messaging around you is saying can be really fricken scary and hard. Do you have any specific fears or worries about not being attracted to men anymore? Or have there been any moments where these fears or discomfort have surfaced the most?

Sometimes in times like these when you are exploring different parts of your identity it can be helpful to connect with more people in the queer community either in real life or through media, books, or other platforms. Does this sound like something you might be interested in? If so we have loads and loads of recs we can give.

Honestly it just comes in waves sometimes lol. Sometimes I'm glad that I've figured myself out, but then other times I doubt myself. I honestly just wish that I knew from a young age, you know? Some people just know that they're this or that at a young age, and I wish I would've been that way. It seems so much easier than all this back and forth in my mind.

Yeah that'd be great actually.

Hi there, sof_ia44!

Yeah, certainty can feel much easier and more reassuring. But this back-and-forth you're experiencing is fairly common. Our sexualities can be complicated, and the answers aren't always obvious. It is okay to be unsure.

Some good ways to connect with more queer people in real life are to see if your school has a GSA, or if there's an LGBTQ community center where you live. There are also online communities on other platforms, like Discord and Reddit, for example. How do these ideas sound?

Also, for media and books, Sam recently wrote this great guide: How to Find Queer Media Check it out, and let us know if you'd like more help/recs!