Being away from friends for short periods is really hard

[Asking Queries]

(Content warning: Talks about feelings of social isolation, depression.)



Hi,

I’m autistic, and really, really need social interaction. I say need because when I haven’t had a good conversation (generally in person) in 2 or so days, I get really, severely, depressed, and it gets worse the longer it goes on (summer break is awful). It feels like I have the same need for social interaction as other people, but my “social interaction bucket”, for lack of a better term, empties more quickly then most people.Due to things I’m not currently interested in talking about, I don’t feel particularly safe talking to my mom and brother, and it’s just different from talking to friends anyways.
My questions are: 1: Have other people here experienced this, and if you have, do you have ideas to deal with it or make it better in some way? 2: How do I explain this to my friends? I want them to know how important they are to me, but don’t want to overwhelm them or make them feel like I essentially require them to survive (although I honestly might in some ways).

- AQ

[Asking Queries]

More context/a question: I have a lot of mental health issues, this is just a main one. My friends are also autistic, all of them, which I think is totally fine (and cool sometimes), but useful context. Also, we’re all rather forgetful, which I’m also not sure how to bring up. I want to bring it up because hurts when they forget and don’t respond to emails or texts, although I know they don’t mean to hurt me, and I’ve almost certainly done the same.

- AQ

[Latha]

Hi AQ!

I haven't experienced this myself, so I hope other staff or readers on the boards will contribute. I do have some thoughts, though.

I don't think it is a bad idea to tell your friends how much you value them and enjoy their company. If you don't usually talk about things like depression, you don't have to bring it up in this context. Instead, you could take the initiative to propose regular meet-ups. This might involve just hanging out, or it could be focused around an event or common hobby.

Speaking of that, I wonder what you would think of joining a hobbyist club, or volunteering. Doing that would give you a regular reason to get out of the house and meet people. There is a good chance that you'll be able to make more friends at these places too.

I think you explained your feelings about your friends forgetfullness well here. You understand that they don't mean to hurt you, and that their autism might make it difficult to remember to respond to your messages. You struggle with those things too. But you feel sad when you don't get a response (they may be able to relate to this feeling). You could ask them if they want to think of ways to better respond to each other. This could include things like setting reminders to check your messages at certain times, or making a standing appointment to chat during weekends and holidays.

[michel344]

When talking to your friends, be honest about your needs but frame it in a way that emphasizes your appreciation for their friendship. For example, you could say something like, "I really value our time together because it helps me feel more connected and happy."

[Asking Queries]

Hi!

Thanks for these ideas
Latha: I didn’t respond sooner because I forgot somehow. I’ve considered joining various clubs, but feel hesitant because of my various marginalized identities (heck, just being a girl makes it harder). One of my friends has set a reminder to email me, so hopefully that will start a regular schedule of emails.

michel344: Thanks for this thought, that’s definitely important to include when I bring this up with my friends.

Thanks both,
- AQ

[Latha]

Hey AQ!

Don't worry about replying late, there isn't any deadline for that. Would you like to talk about the hesitance you've been feeling around joining clubs? Maybe we can offer some advice. Has anyone made you feel unwelcome in social spaces because of your identities?