Hey BuddyBoi21,
First -- I'm sorry for your loss. Facing tough questions like this is hard, even if you don't miss the person who has passed.
You are certainly
not the only person who has ever felt this way after a close relative died. Healing from toxic relationships with a deceased family member looks different for everyone. Relief and happiness are definitely in the cards. You may also feel like you have unresolved business with your father -- things he needed to atone for, things you wanted him held accountable for, etc. This especially resonated with me:
...the only thing I really grieved was not being able to have that healthy father-child relationship.
If you need to lean into this part of your grief -- write dad a letter, journal about unfinished business or unmet needs -- I highly encourage that to help you process. This might be the piece of grief that you end up needing to show care to and address.
TL;DR: what you are feeling is totally normal.
Do you have anyone in your life who is helping you process this experience?
Alexa K.
Scarleteen Team