Hi Marisha!! Thank you so much! I totally agree- I think I've demonstrated that I have a tendency to resolutely keep trying practices that work for others even when they don't work for me, so planning around and respecting what has and hasn't worked for me and letting myself control and own those ch...

Hi Val! Thank you so so much for your response! It really resonated a lot with me, and I'm going to start with trying those stretches. I definitely carry around a lot of body tension everywhere all the time. I was raised to always be sucking in my stomach, by glutes are near always tensed when stand...

Hi all! I've got a quick question about the pelvic floor and how/whether muscles are supposed to be tense or relaxed in response to sexual stimulation. I feel like I'm always walking around either my pelvic muscles in "closed" mode, with a certain tightness that isn't noticeable or at all ...

Thank you!!!!!!

Thank you. I know you're right and I'll get better at this with time. It might have taken me a month here to realize "huh, maybe this particular forced unenjoyable habit is not helpful and maybe this is not for me" but I hope with practice and time I'll get better at recognizing "this...

Do you have any advice or ideas for how to get better at that? It's something I've recognized and started to try to work on in other parts of life, but it's just hard to keep acting (and remembering to act) in line with what a person who believes themselves might to, when I just... don't. I'm sure i...

Yes! Thank you for sharing about your experiences with not being a parent and the things people and culture have to say about it. I know that's something very personal and I really appreciate you sharing it with me to help me understand an experience with parallels. It really is helpful. <3 I do def...

Hey Heather! You're totally right. This does feel like a step back for me with all the frustration and getting annoyed with myself for how I am. I think I certainly have plenty of "It's been a few days, I wonder what this might be like" curiosity that gets me started in these solo practice...

Hi Urna! Thanks for reading and empathizing and for your advice! Yes, I agree. "Perfunctory" is exactly it. It's just not something I ever really want or feel up to. Yesterday I was spontaneously curious to give it a try, and it felt a little more relaxed and low-key in being spontaneous u...

Hi Heather (and everyone else)! Happy 69th post in this thread, haha! It's been a couple more weeks and I'm realizing now as I write this post that I'm afraid I may have strayed away from the ethos of "try less". You see, a month ago I was gifted a bullet vibrator. I've made time to practi...

Thank YOU, Heather! (And everyone else who has pitched in here!) Sorry, this post slipped through the cracks for a few days for me, but I'm so beyond grateful for all the support I've found here, and I hope you're having a lovely week!

<3

Hi all! It's been a couple more weeks and I thought I would stop by and give an update. The trip went really well. It was my first time being back with my partner since I started posting here and digging deep into learning about my sexuality. Through the day of the trip, I was still feeling really a...

Thank you, Heather and Siân! You've both made a lot of really helpful points, and talking about this has helped clear my mind a little. I definitely plan to have another conversation with my boyfriend (in person this week) about the adjustments that need to happen. Thank you both as always for your ...

I guess I don't know for sure that I'm entirely bitter and resentful with my partner specifically or about those mistakes specifically. Maybe it's just with the way things are. I talk to friends who are having fun in their sex lives and I envy them and I wish I were different. It makes me feel sick ...

Hi Heather (and all the rest of the lovely Scarleteam)! I've done a lot more thinking these past few days about the shades of "sure-why-not" that have made me say yes to (solo or partnered) sex, and the difference between times where I feel more up to it and times where, in retrospect, I s...

Thank you! <3

Thank you! I totally agree. I think I used to think of "letting go" as something easy, because I'm very, very good at distancing myself from a situation. That's good for being calm and composed in every possible emergency, but not so good for having a good worthwhile day-to-day life. Tryin...

Thanks, Heather! That's a great point- I'm definitely working on reorienting and recognizing that letting go, resting, and giving things time is just as important, valuable and necessary as pushing them. I'd actually just heard of The Nap Ministry the other day but forgotten the name, so thank you f...

I guess I need to explore more of what saying yes and saying no mean to me. I can definitely think of instances where I've been down to have sex for things like emotional closeness and a genuine curiosity just to see what it might be like this time. That's not necessarily traditional sexual "de...

Thanks so much for your responses, and for your validation and kind words. <3 I'm with you in that I don't think I can easily divide myself up into problems and "just the way I am", because the way I am is shaped by my experiences, and I'm here regardless of whether nor not I label a parti...

Hey Heather! That sounds really great. Thank you so much. It feels really validating to hear that I'm going in the wrong direction here, because this doesn't feel productive or right at all, but being directed this way by a doctor is really confusing.

Hey there, friends at Scarleteen! I hope you're all doing well! It's been a couple weeks. I've had a lot of fruitful partner conversations, done a lot of thinking and paying attention to sensual pleasure, tried to learn to fantasize, made many more stabs at masturbation, tried lots of sexual media, ...

Hi Heather! Sorry I didn't see your post earlier! I'm not 100% sure how to answer that one- he is very supportive of the points I'm expressing that are focused on me and my experiences. He's also commenting where something resonates with his own work that he needs to do (i.e., unlearning a very hete...

Thanks so so much, Val! This was all really validating and super encouraging to read. I do feel really proud of the intimacy we create together and the way we're able to just talk about anything- the past couple of weeks especially we've been having a lot of really fruitful conversations (including ...

Hi Val! Thanks so much for reading, for sharing and for your ideas! You're definitely right that there are a lot of other "little joys" of intimacy that I really love experiencing with my partner, even without experiencing sex in a particular way that many other people do. Things like writ...