Safety & Consent

I'm so sorry that you have been in this situation, Michael. It sounds stressful and heartbreaking. Let's see if I can help a little. Before I say anything else, I want to strongly suggest that you do not have any sex, of any kind, with anyone, that you do not also very much want yourself. It's no...

The news is full of the wrong ways to try to have sex. Forever we’ve seen high profile men – almost always men – chasing people for sex, abusively. For the last few years, some high-profile men have been held at least a little accountable for it, which means it is not always swept under the rug anymore. But now that the abuse is more visible, if you stare into that abyss long enough, it might start to stare back at you. You could end up lying on your bed wondering if being a guy while being horny is somehow inherently tainted and gross. Most of us want to find someone or a few someones, for relationships or hookups, but right now, looking at some of that foulness, it might feel like trying to find a partner is a minefield of red flags because men’s sexuality is inextricably abusive. It isn't.

A short, fast, sex ed summary about the basics of sexual consent.

Real-deal consent requires clear, open and honest communication. And if we're going ahead and actually being sexual together in some way, that also means an ongoing, nuanced and pretty highly situational process of communication, not just one or two super-quick, super-basic exchanges. Not only is communication as a process essential to keeping it consensual, it's a big part of sex actually being any good for everyone involved.

Hey there, Dylan: I'm really glad you came here with these questions: I think they're some good ones. Let's start with talking about what goes on, or can go on, on the dance floor with these girls, and with consent, and then we can get to what your friends are saying and how to deal with that. You...

Let's talk about what's real when it comes to the size and shape of the labia and mons first, then address harassment. There's nothing ridiculous about asking this, and nothing ridiculous about looking for comfort and reassurance after you've been sexually harassed. Harassment tends to leave us...

As it is on the road, being attentive to and giving clear signs and signals is a big deal between the sheets. If consenting feels complicated or confusing, here's a guide to clear it up.

No one ever needs a reason to say no to anything, just like you don't need a reason to say yes to something. It sounds to me like you have been very clear when it comes to what you do not want to do. You even put a very clear date on it, so since you said that it won't happen until you're at least...

Consent is an active process and agreement, and it cannot be coerced. The absence of no does not mean yes. No matter how well you think that you know your partner, you should never assume that you know her thoughts in that instant about sex and what she may want or not want to do. She should also...

(Part of How You Guys - That's Right, You GUYS -- Can Prevent Rape, and continued from Who are rapists, and where did rape even come from?) Sometimes, someone being raped will clearly say no and will NOT clearly say yes. They might say no verbally, with words, they might say no by crying, they might...